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Love in Meaning: Pay Attention
A Sanedrive Brain Health Perspective
We talk about love all the time: the butterflies, the obsession, the bonding, the heartbreak. But we never look into “why does love sometimes feel hollow”, even when you know it’s real?
That’s exactly the question explored in this solo video episode. And the answer, it turns out, lives in meaning. So what is Love in Meaning?
The Brain on Love: A Quick Chemistry Lesson
When you fall in love, your brain fires on all cylinders. Three key chemicals take the wheel:
Dopamine which acts as the reward molecule. It spikes in the early stages of love and drives that “I want more” feeling. The same system involved in addiction. That’s why love can feel obsessive. Don’t get it twisted, it is dopamine asking for another hit.
Oxytocin, the bonding hormone is released with eye contact and touch, it builds security and attachment. It’s the foundation of lasting love.
Serotonin, our known mood modulator. Interestingly, drops when we’re in love, which explains the obsessive “where are you?” texts. Not control. Just a brain running low on serotonin.
Sternberg’s Triangle: Where Are You in Love?
Psychologist Robert Sternberg mapped love into a triangle with three points: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment.
- Romantic Love = Intimacy + Passion
- Compassionate Love = Intimacy + Commitment
- Consummate Love = All three; the ideal, whole love
The limbic system drives passion. The hypothalamus coordinates intimacy and bonding. And the prefrontal cortex which is the brain’s executive centre decides whether to commit. If the prefrontal cortex has been preconditioned by past hurt or trauma, it may signal danger even when the other person is doing everything right. That’s why some people can’t seem to commit despite genuinely wanting to.
Beyond Chemistry: The Role of Meaning
See the interesting part.
Researcher Becca argues that meaning is the compass that gives love its direction. Without it, the reward system stalls, the prefrontal cortex stays confused, and even the chemistry can’t hold things together.
She identifies three pillars of meaning in love:
- Comprehension: Does this relationship make sense to me? Can I understand what’s happening here?
- Mattering: Do I matter to this person? Do they matter to me?
- Purpose: Are we going somewhere together? Do we have a shared direction?
When all three are present, you don’t just feel happy in love, you feel alive in it.
When Meaning Breaks Down
What happens when meaning fractures:
- Anxious attachment: “I need you to feel okay” the compass turns outward, creating dependency.
- Avoidant patterns: The prefrontal cortex has learned that closeness is dangerous and suppresses the limbic system’s natural pull toward connection.
- Love without purpose: No shared vision. The reward system has nothing to trigger. The chemistry fades.
6 Ways to Recalibrate Your Love Compass
- Name the feeling Ask yourself why you feel what you feel
- Know your three pillars Comprehension, mattering, purpose
- Check your value alignment Are you headed in the same direction?
- Build shared meaning Co-create rituals, shared vision, shared language
- Regulate your nervous system Trauma can block the normal pathway toward love
- Talk about meaning explicitly Don’t assume. Have the conversation.
Final Thought
Meaning is not something you find in another person. It’s something you bring to love. When two people come to a relationship each carrying their own meaning and those meanings align that shared sense of direction becomes the bond that holds even when things get hard.
So ask yourself: Does this relationship make sense to me? Do I matter here? Are we moving in the same direction?
Your brain is already asking. Are you listening?
This episode is for educational purposes only. Always seek professional support for relationship or mental health challenges.
Listen to the full episode in the video below as Nosarieme makes it an interactive talk with practical examples.
Referenced Paper:
Besika, A. (2023). An everlasting love: The relationship of happiness and meaning. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1046503.
Cacioppo, S., Bianchi‑Demicheli, F., Frum, C., Pfaus, J. G., & Lewis, J. W. (2012). The common neural bases between sexual desire and love: A multilevel kernel density fMRI analysis. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 9(4), 1048–1054.
Sternberg, R. J. (2018). The triangle of love: Intimacy, passion, commitment (Updated ed.). Basic Books.